Monday, August 22, 2011

God is so very good

Jesus is my all in all. Master. Father, friend, brother, uncle, He's coming very soon. There are clues everywhere if you know what you're looking for in your line of vision, hearing, thinking, seeing words of wisdom coming out of stranger's mouths. Answers using clues that come from truly weird places, like on a sign, reading billboard signs, hearing it off the tv, your friends, a book, a conversation with a stranger, THE BIBLE!! Hello! I recommend that people should start a personal relationship with Jesus before its too late! We need to be bold, confident, but humble at the same time. And with all that in mind, very strange is the norm. The real crazy people are the unbelievers, we are coming in to our new identities in Christ, the believers are waking up to answer the call of God on their hearts whether anyone will see it, or feel it, or know it for what it really is, its not your imagination, there are NO COINCiDENCES, our steps have been ordered by God since before we were born. God works through people all the time. Comments, here and there from others that make you think twice, like, Did I just see what I just saw? Did I hear that sound or was it my imagination? Did that just really happen or am I seeing things? Most people will deny it because it doesn't fit their reality and would scare the crap out of them if they had to admit they were wrong about their own perceptions and beliefs. That's Jesus knocking on the door to your heart asking you if you're ok and would you like to talk and can He come in. Let Him help you, just what are you waiting for? Give Jesus a chance, we're talking serious business here! This isn't a game you've ever played. Things are not always what they seem either. Sometimes everything seems backwards and it makes sense! Alter realities do exist. So do dimensions. And we think we are, until we know who we are by God revealing Himself to those of us who really want to know. Some people will actually choose to remain ignorant because the alternative seems just way too terrifying and difficult, too hard to believe.One day at a time. Stop living in the past, it will not help us and we'll drive ourselves crazy trying to make sense of it all and never getting even close to any answers. We are not to live as slaves to things of this world, but slaves, in love with our Savior,Jesus Christ. We are in a spiritual battle-warfare in our minds, thoughts must be controlled, feelings must be controlled. We fight all our lives for every inch of life we can get. God has been training us for such a time as this, we ARE beginning to wake up and realize there's something happening thats bigger than us. The battle is in the mind for our sanity and some people are unable to come back from that. They get lost in their heads trying just to replay everything that h s ever happened to us or around us and how did we get this way, where did we go wrong, you know what I mean. We want answers that will probably never come. And we suffer from that because it turns into a cancer, or other illness that eats us up from the inside out. Our inner pain can actually cause physical symptoms such as irritable bowell syndrome, and stress can kill, especially over a long period of time like alot of us. We catered to them and forgot ourselves in the process which has practically destroyed us. We all have lost something along the way, like our smiles and our laughter. Jesus is real. Satan is really trying to wear us down emotionally and keep us confused and drained of energy so we don't fight him, he wants us to give up. But He that is in me is greater than he that is in the world and I've still got alot of fight left in the old girl yet! I'll give the devil a run for his money and keep on fighting the good fight til the end of the world or the end of me. I want justice for us all to have some kind of closure, allowing us to push forward toward the real goal, eternity in Heaven with our Creator, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit wanting for nothing but His love and presence forever! Peace that passes understanding and joy unspeakable just to finally see His face and cry, "Abba" (Father). Thank you Jesus for making me a new creature in Christ Jesus and for forgiveness, mercy and grace that has allowed us to get this far and its not over yet! Keep the faith and our reward shall be great! Oh how I love the Lord! I've finally found my way home. He saves the most broken of us for special assignments that go along with whatever training we've had. His will be done on earth as in Heaven and not my will. God gets the glory hands down, and not I. I am just a messenger.
a few seconds ago ·

Saturday, November 27, 2010

AnotherAngelOfGodRedeemed

To begin, I am writing this while staying for the time being at a battered women's refuge. I am 45 yrs old. Single now, no kids and I really need to share my testimony with anyone that is seriously desiring to know who they really are. I have news from God for you. You see He's been telling me things about Himself and who I am in Christ Jesus. I have been asking questions all my life like "Why am I here?" And "Is there really a God?" and "How do you make yourself believe without a doubt using this thing called faith?" By the way if you believe in something then you HAVE FAITH THAT IT EXISTS. So its not really hard to believe there is a God. Also things like, "What does it mean to be a Christian?" and "What is the meaning of life and how do I fit into it?" "What is my calling or purpose?" God has finally answered me in so many revelational ways. Seven weeks ago I tried to commit suicide, (and not for the first time either), because I had finally after 30 years of what I can only describe as constant battles, a war was going on in my mind, I reached the end of my rope. Even though I swore to God I would never take my own life, I was so exhausted I had to admit to myself and to God that I had finally given up. I had to admit to myself, defeat, which I swore I would never do again. I thought I'd been in control all along and realized for the first time I truly and absolutely had no idea anymore of what I was doing and began to realize and understand that I was actually way out of control and had never truly been in control. I had been living in a false reality in a desert land of thoughts and denial, spiritually starving to death, which will and for me did, cause all sorts of physical symptoms such as Fibromyalgia, which is chronic pain and fatigue, depression, irritable bowel syndrome, Insomnia, etc., and mental illnesses too. Such as Bi-Polar type I, Acute Panic and Anxiety Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome, and Borderline Personality and Mood Disorders and Psychoses. I was quite delusional and hallucination was my state of mind. I was in a constant state of terror, shock, and confusion because God was waking me up! He told me that we can and do claim/cause our own diseases from stunted, spiritual and emotional non-growth. Only He can truly heal you by gifting you with His knowledge. We get stuck or sidetracked in the journey of life and end up many times stranded on life's highway. It seems like our progress is tormentingly slow. This is a terrifying place to be stuck, at any age.
You see my problem began so early in my childhood I never stood a chance from the beginning. My three brothers and I, (and my mom), were and had been being systematically and severely abused in horrible ways: physically beat, sexually, emotionally and spiritually, which WILL cause physical death before the actual time you're called home by The Father. When a child has not dealt with abandonment issues and has had their knowledge, or ideas of whats supposed to feel "safe" or "secure" inside their minds messed with, they learn "not to trust", and these issues run deep.
This WILL CAUSE you to make many poor decisions in your life resulting in bad or toxic relationships, (we never learned how to truly love and this knowledge can only come from God anyway). Some knowledge can hurt or hinder you until your ready to deal with what's happened to you. My mother and father had also been abused by their parents and this is one of the curses of the generations talked about in the Bible that is passed down.
Anyway, I was coming down off 13 years of IV meth and prescription drug use, hallucinating, by seeing myself covered in tiny pieces of glass all over my skin, even felt it in my eyes. It felt so real I even saw it when I looked in my mirror and ended up picking all the eyelashes out of my left eye and most out of my right eye too. I began weeping for the first time in many, many years. Sometimes when you've been abused in so many ways and for so long you never actually truly feel much of anything at all, you are numb.
You learn how to systematically shut down and never show your real feelings and you end up in the land of confusion, stuck in time emotionally dead and spiritually lost. Acting out emotional pain expressed as intense rage and/or other uncontrolled high risk behaviors.
So I made myself throw up begging God to please forgive me and made up my mind that moment that I was going to somehow try to live instead of die.
I went to my psychiatrist appt that day and told her what I'd done, knowing that by law she would have no choice but to commit me into the psychiatric unit of the local hospital, which she did.
You see the meds I'd od'ed on were for my mental illnesses. Not only had I been doing IV drugs for 13 years, but my junkie boyfriend had been severely emotionally battering me worse and worse the whole time and I didn't even realize I was being abused because he wasn't physically beating me.
I was only off the meth for 4 days when my brain began to wake up as if I'd been asleep for a long, such a very long, long time. I remember being aware now of the feeling that I have been being trained for the purpose I am alive. There is not much I haven't tried or done experienced. He has answered all my prayers finally! I am truly on fire for God and for the first time I know who I am in His eyes. We've all got a job to do so stop hem-hawing around and get down to the business of spreading His message of ETERNAL LOVE, LIFE, AND BLESSINGS BEYOND COMPARE! Hallelujah to the Lamb of God and may He rain down the True blessings of your life. Keep on praying and I promise that He will answer you. You don't get anywhere by being silent when it comes to spreading His message. If He's done stuff for you and you've had prayers answered, let me know and put it on your facebook page. There are 4 basic questions He's instructed me to ask myself. What is it in my life that is sin to me. Anything that you think would keep you separated from hearing His voice in your life. You don't have to go to Bible College before you start talking to Him or before you can hear his voice for yourself. Just ASK and you SHALL RECEIVE. And keep on asking with sincerity of heart wanting to get to know Him by beginning at least the first 10 min. of your day thanking Him for what you ALREADY HAVE! Learn HOW TO OBEY HIS INSTRUCTIONS IN THE BIBLE and you WILL EXPERIENCE HIS AWESOME POWER AND YOU'LL FIND OUT WHAT TRUE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE IS.
GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU.
EMAIL ME AT: AnotherAngelOfGodRed
eemed@gmail.com